Dad 46: The Hell of Mocks.
Mocking Hell, I’m glad that’s all over. It seems the whole of this year has been spent listening to ‘Preparing for Mocks’ in stereo. We had become a single issue family.
‘Dad, Unnggh, NO! Can’t you see I’ve got to do my revision. Twat.’ says Girl 15
‘Dad, I’ve only got Classic Civ and Spanish oral tomorrow,’ says Boy 15.
‘Just because I don’t have exams it doesn’t mean that I’m not busy, too,’ says Girl 12.
All the above coming in a torrent following a simple request to help clear the table. Note: not washing-up; merely picking up a plate, walking four steps, and placing it next to the dishwasher (or rather sink, for some reason, which no one has ever properly explained to me, we [by which I mean Mum 49 and I] tend to do all our washing-up manually before putting everything in the dishwasher so it can be done mechanically. Can’t be good for the planet, but what do I know?) and then walking back four paces, unencumbered, and getting on with their mocks. Or, in Girl 12’s case, staring into space.
Now, obviously, I am as responsible as the next parent and anxious not to hamper our children’s education and fully aware of the importance of ‘The Mocks’ (even if not quite accepting Girl 15’s claim that ‘they will only affect the rest of my fucking life. Twat.’) and equally obviously keen they should pass all the exams they can (if only to speed their progress to university) but there are limits. And my limit tends to be reached about ten minutes into ‘testing Boy 15’ (Didn’t we used to test ourselves? Putting a piece of paper over one side of the page to keep ourselves relatively honest? Admittedly, the results might not have been up to much, but at least we weren’t a nuisance to anyone…) Testing Boy 15 is infuriating because he has either learned it all off by heart and knows everything. Or he clearly hasn’t looked at the relevant textbook for the last two years, if ever, and knows nothing. There is no middle ground to be tested upon. It is a waste of everyone’s time.
And also faintly depressing when your child turns to you and with exactly the same tone of voice as your Chemistry, Physics or Biology teacher and asks, ‘do you know anything?’